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Monkey1111
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Member Since: May 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 92
5 yr Member
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Trig Apr 14, 2019 at 08:17 PM
 
I have struggled with self harm for many years. I have cut myself since I was 11, and I have even engaged in even more dangerous acts of self harm such as intentional overdose and punching myself in the head. Now, after having been clean from SI for two months, I have an urge to go back to it. I keep having urges to cut myself again, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to stop myself.

All of this stems from the fact that back when I was in eastern Europe, I was beaten by my parents whenever I spoke up about anything. Whenever I tried to voice any sort of opinion that they didn't agree with, they beat me. They sometimes put cigarettes out on me and then as an adult, I suffered repeated sexual abuse at the hands of a "family friend". With my family looking the other way, not seeming to care.

During all these years, cutting was my coping mechanism. It was my way of feeling like I had some ownership of my body, no matter how small. Even though, I had none. I had no body autonomy whatsoever

But all of a sudden, the urges are cropping up even though I have been clean. But this time, I really want to be able to cope. Because I do not want to fall victim to that self destructive demon within me.

Last edited by Monkey1111; Apr 14, 2019 at 10:18 PM..
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