Hiya RD,
I'm a good few years older than you and have survived a few knots in the flow of life. I completely get being at a place which is desperate, near hopeless, yet knowing that other people in the world have it worse... yet somehow the mental and emotional and creative and all the other juices seem to be running dry.
I don't have a useful answer except that you're in a genuinely hard place and it happens and... keep the faith, keep reaching out externally. Have compassion for your strengths and limitations.

You've identified that you need to talk and be heard... and I would like to support that 100%.

Sometimes in my life there were no good answers, but still I needed to keep asking questions and to find people who could resonate with that.
Sending warmth your way!
Saidso