((Icedgem)),
The therapist I saw was an experienced trauma therapist, I suffer from complex ptsd. He helped me realize things and LISTENED to me and these suicidal impulses I struggled with got weaker and weaker. Now I am working with a therapist that practices Accelerated Resolution Therapy, and though I have just started that, I have found it helpful.
Your partner isn't a therapist, more than likely doesn't have the skills to help you and may respond to you in ways that can make you feel like you are a burden to him. That's the last thing you need, instead you need a professional that can help you gain some relief rather than holding it all inside you.
Patience with self is key and important in your healing and gaining. You "can" make gains on this challenge, and these suicidal thoughts are telling you to reach out for help instead of struggling on your own.