I have had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I can't bring myself to go to a therapist. I have been dealing with a lot with my physical health lately. I was just hospitalized for potentially having a heart attack or PE blood clot. No, there is nothing wring with me, except for fibromyalgia and hypertension. But, lately, all I can think about is how badly I want to have these serious illnesses just for the attention. I cant bring myself to talk to anyone because I dont want people to feel bad for me, but when the doctors told me I didnt have a heart attack, a blood clot, or anything else i was so upset. I wanted these things to happen to me. But I dont know why. I used to pray to god i would develop cancer or some serious illness just for the attention. I feel crazy for admitting it, but its true...