Reality is much more harsher than I led myself to believe. Not everyone is worth the trust. Not every "friend" is worth hanging out with. Life isn't worth risking. Or enjoying. At least, for me.

I will never try again to be a scientist. I'll just do my BSc and make sure I don't end up have a career as a scientist. Nope. Not worth it.

I expected to be normal. I am not. I am way too abnormal for normality. Hell I don't even remember 'normality' as taught in chemistry.

It's over. I am not going to be a productive citizen. I am not going to honor anyone, however great they may be. I am not going to socialize and have friends. I am not going to give any theory. It's all over. I will stop deluding myself.

I've been misguided. My psychiatrist gives me 'hope' so I won't be a pain in the a*s. Teachers don't want a student like me to be in their lab, so they support me. Friends don't want a broken person to be even more broken, so they chat for a while. But I can see, they fail to show me respect or love.

It's over. There will never be a scientist like me. Simply because I am way too disabled.

But it's okay. I will deal with my failure. I won't make a huge mess about not being a productive citizen.