Hi, Everyone!

Several years ago, I focused on what I was afraid of, writing out my emotions. I described them as best I could to face my fears, accept them and move them behind me. I did this for years, and even today, when something shows up as fear, I run it through my steps to validate it and keep moving forward.

Now, I realize I began my work in self-awareness and accepting what I could not change because it was from my past and was part of my reality. I also realized that my emotions were working to get my attention because the negative, ugly ones weren’t natural for me. I had to face and release them so my true self could stand up and thrive.

That is one great benefit because once I addressed and validated those fears, they either disappeared or quieted down significantly. Even my Complex PTSD flashbacks have lessened. They are still there, but not as horrid as they were.

To give you an example, some of what I had to face to get past it was how monstrous my family was and how deeply they hurt me. Another huge benefit was as I addressed the painful emotions, my thinking straightened out. Getting my thinking straightened out is a MASSIVE benefit. It slowly became easier to think out what I wanted to do on my own. Overtime, I ran out of topics I wanted to bring up in therapy because I was problem solving on my own. Solutions popped up in my mind! And, I began to understand what I needed to do to manage situations in my life.

Also, I had to face my own aggressive, selfish behavior as a bully.

As I worked through past hurts with my therapist, I gained confidence and could do a lot on my own between therapy sessions.

So, along the way working on that, my food cravings have stopped 3 or 4 times, including now. I haven’t craved alcohol in years. That is nice!! I love that! I gave up meat three years ago this month and occasionally I crave fried chicken and steak, but I haven’t had those recently.

I know what is missing in my life, so it isn’t surprising I have cravings. I developed those for instant relief because I didn’t know how to problem solve or what needs I didn’t have satisfied. Not knowing I was running from my depressed iceberg of rage buried inside me, I became an alcoholic seeking relief.

So, what I am working on now is to use my talents and skills (ALL of us have those, even if they are buried under piles of lies we have been brainwashed to believe) so I can get in better positions to get my needs met.

Doing this has set up my deep healing. Pacing myself is crucial and I stink at that, but I try to allow myself all the time I need to heal. I know that is what will strengthen me.

Like a house, it is as strong as the materials used and how it is put together.

Feedback anyone?