I have developed this habit of randomly looking through people’s Facebook pages and beating myself up for not having friends and family like I am convinced everybody else has. In my irrational moments, I am convinced that everybody but me has loving friends and family. To me, success is not material things and money, it’s having friends and family. I tell myself I am a failure.

Then at work I feel isolated because I don’t make friends at work like ‘everyone else’ does. I tell myself I am an outcast.

None of this is logical but I just want to put all this out there and make myself just see it... and see it for what it is. It’s an ugly and hurtful way to treat myself.

I really believe that I am a bad and unloveable person. I really do. I really am genuinely surprised when people like me.

This is no way to live life. It’s not. I believe that I should appreciate life and appreciate the blessings in my life. Emotionally, I don’t act that way though. I can now see how much I hurt myself and also... I hurt others because of all this.