So far I am not figuring out what it is I need to figure out this week. I'm working on deciding if I should push out my time on not SH-ing after Lent. Part of me wants to not commit to more time because I feel unwell, and I feel undone, and losing that coping mechanism, well, it's just not going to be productive if I don't have something to replace SH (and so far I don't). On the other hand, part of me wants to extend the time out because I feel like if I SH, I'm not going to be able to do just a little bit, I'm going to end up back at the hospital for stitches, and that's just embarrassing and expensive. But whenever I go for what I consider to be a long time without, when I do it, I DO IT. And it's like a big mess. With Lent, I felt like I was making a promise to God and that made it feel like a concrete thing. If I just promise myself or my T, it doesn't hold the same weight for me. My parents are going to be gone a few times in the upcoming months and I know that if I am able to SH, I will do it when they are gone, so that way they won't necessarily know that I went to the hospital (I have my own insurance through my work so I'm not on theirs). So that's another reason to extend it out. I wish I could have talked this through with T on Monday, but since she had to cancel, I'm talking it through with ya'll. I still haven't come to any sort of answer, or conclusion. I'm just trying to sort out my emotions and my logic and not run out of time before making a decision. HUGS Kit