I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, StreetcarBlanche! Please don't be so hard on yourself! I completely agree with what s4ndm4n2006 has already wisely said MUCH better than I ever could! I'd suggest you to listen to him as much as you can if you want to! He always gives such great, wise, wonderful advice to EVERYONE, like in this case! Like he has already said, it's hard to recognize these red flags when we're involved emotionally with someone! We can't always think rationally about someone and it's not alway easy to detach ourselves emotionally from other experiences and other people! You CAN give it a try though and see how it goes from there! What matters however is that you WERE able to understand that he was a narcissist and that you WERE able to cut off contacts with him and to get away from his as much and as soon as you could! That means that you're AWARE of it even though it is not right away like you hope! I'm sure next time you'll be able to recognize these red flags even sooner, if not right away! Of course let's hope you'll NEVER have to deal with someone so bad again! Sending many hugs to you, StreetcarBlanche!