Same here! I feel guilty when I have some kind of good feeling. I can bask in it for a while, but then I think, hey! something's wrong. This can't be! I'm not supposed to feel that joy.

It seems like I feel alive when I feel bad and/or have things coming up to dread. Right now in my life I have things coming up that I'm dreading. It puts me in the defensive. And then that makes me feel alive or normal. Weird isn't it?