Thank you both for reading it. I agree that I wrote it more for myself, but every time I write to her, I end up wanting to send it. I know I have to wait though, as I do really need this time to focus on myself. Also, since I’ve struggled with calling her in the past, I know sending her a letter right now would probably not mean much anyway - neither to her nor myself.

I understand I need to move on and I hope my sense of closure is not dictated by whether she responds or not. Even still, it was an extremely meaningful relationship and it would feel painful to just move on from that chapter of my life and turn my back. I really want to be able to look back on that relationship with a sense of peace, and it would mean so much to me to be able to express my own regret/shame, appreciation, and care for that relationship. Depending on her boundaries, my own hope would be to have a fluid relationship that is neither worth terminating nor obsessing over. I just don’t know if this would be possible or comfortable for her given the boundary I did cross and her own limits. I may just have to accept that she will never be comfortable with any kind of contact since she could no longer be my therapist and therefore there wouldn’t really be any appropriate relationship to maintain.