Hello, I'm new to this forum and it's the first time looking into a forum about others with OCD to share. I'm a lifelong suffer at age 38, been dealing with this as long as I can remember. I've never had therapy or help for it and really just started talking about it. I was prescribed Paxil around 2002 because I was struggling with death of loved one and anxiety was killing me but I think it helped my OCD aswell a little. Since then I have kept taking it but am only taking 20mg now and that's just to keep from withdrawl. I think at the most I was taking 80mg. My compulsions are numbers and colors, certain repetitions, colors I refuse to wear, numbers have to be even, super compulsive with cleanliness but not washing hands I just have to have my home and and belongings clean and perfect or it creates anxiety so I try to be a minimalist with the way I live to help keep it simple. I feel if I don't do these rituals something could happen to the people I care for and it's almost as if I was given special responsibility by a higher power to look after them and keep them safe.... I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm sure this is common for anyone familiar or suffering from OCD. I'm getting really worn dealing with these rituals and when I tell my self im done the anxiety just brings me back. I hope I put this introduction in the right spot and if anyone wants to know more feel free to ask. I hope to find some solutions for this or some ideas from others in how they cope?