You seem to be analysing your and other people's social behaviours from the outside, but don't you think that there are different levels to this?

Today something suddenly made me remember how alone I was in my teens while suffering the worst of the abuse. Now it's different. I can enjoy company. I invite people and they come and want to visit me again. It feels genuine and not a crazy effort.
I still don't have close friends, but I'm definitely happier with other people than I've been for a long time. And when I'm happy I stop analysing.

I has taken me decades to learn to be even this genuinely comfortable with others, both on my best days and my worst.

I'm also finding that changing where I live is changing the people who I meet. Having things in common, rather than struggling to choke back disagreements all the time, helps the enjoyment factor. That again leads to more happiness and less analysing.

I was thinking how therapy made me obsess about loneliness and having friends but in my case I've had to learn huge amounts about my own self before I could feel safer with other people.

I'm not knocking your exploration RD, but some of friendship behaviour perhaps just comes from forgetting the rules and enjoying social contact??? Also being patient enough to learn one step at a time, instead of juggling it all at once.

Or perhaps it doesn't. I guess I've worked in some super competitive and judgemental social environments, but now I'm meeting people who are more relaxed and so the game is more fluid. More open to learn from mistakes.

Just what I was reflecting on this afternoon, anyways. The more that I analysed myself in therapy the worse my social life became - because I expected to fit in with everybody instead of filtering who I reached out towards.