I've realised something I keep doing and I'm not sure why. All of the "hobbies" I've had, everything I've done that's supposed to be for "fun" and "enjoyment", I've managed to make into a chore. Obviously these things come last after I've done he million other chores I have to do. For some reason I feel the need to organise them, restrict them, make lists, and generally turn them into work. This is probably why I loose interest in "hobbies" so easily.

I've been doing it since my teens. Back then I used to play a lot of video games, and I'd make a list in a book, of the ones I was playing, and the ones I wanted to play. When I finished one, I'd scratch it off the list. This eventually changed to a spreadsheet, where I could delete them when I finished. This kept it tidier and easier to see what was left.

Well I stopped playing games in my early 20s but now I do the same thing with the 100s of books I want to read. I have a big "backlog" which I keep adding to. I probably add more than I finish and delete. Same with drawing.

Now there's nothing wrong with being organised, making lists and keeping track of things, but I do it to a point that sucks the fun out of it. So then it feels like a chore. Sometimes I put a date beside it on the spreadsheet, when I want to finish it by. I never do "fun" things spontaneously. They always have to be scheduled in, and in a certain order (sometimes).

This wasn't so much of a problem until about 4 years ago, and now it just keeps getting worse. It's getting annoying, I have enough chores and work to do. I don't want my "fun" activities to also be more chores on top of that. I need to find a way to stop doing that. Yes I need the lists so I know what I have to do, but I need to loosen up (?).

For instance I started drawing (again) for creative expression. If I suddenly get an idea for a picture, I add it to the list. And I have to do the other older ideas first. This totally defeats the purpose, because that idea came to me now and needs to be drawn now. I understand if I'm busy or out then it will have to wait, but should do it when I get a chance. But no I have to organise it. Sometimes I even delete things off the list, because by the time I come to draw them, they feel meaningless. This is not how "creative expression" works, it's not a todo list of chores I have to get done.

It's making me not enjoy these things, and also causes frustration. I feel even more frustration when I realise what I'm doing. So now that I've broken that obsession problem, this is the next one to work on. I found that the obsession problem was fueled by the ego, but I don't think that's what's under this problem. I will look for that first, but I don't expect such an easy answer, and will have to dig deeper.