I think my T is like the poster T for warmth and connection! Everything in his office and waiting room are set up so that what ever you need in a safe space you *should* be able to find it.
Then all of his behaviors, especially in the beginning are specific to not triggering and to make people feel safe.
He uses we a lot rather than “you” or “clients” and uses my name frequently. He believes strongly that the safer I feel they more I can get out of therapy. He works very hard to never let my anxiety get above a 2 on a scale of 1-10. He gently made me promise the first session that if he ever does anything that hurts or scares me he needs to know right away so he can fix it. He is very attuned with what I am feeling in the moment even if I am not. He is willing to hold my hand, move his chair, give hugs... just to help me feel safer and more secure. He gives a lot of information about himself and his self care journey. He knows I don’t feel like I am getting to see him enough and so he will preemptively say something like “our sessions always feel too short don’t they” even though he is too busy to see me longer/more. This week I bombarded him with emails berating myself for not being able to connect in session and for emailing too much and got this reply:
“There are always reasons for the behavior that we demonstrate. Trauma has its twists and turns directing our lives in ways that one may not wish. We will keep exploring in a safe environment so you can have the freedom to be who you are.”
It is important to him that clients can reach out to him when they need to even if he might not be able to reply. Safe and non-judging guide all of his therapeutic interactions. He shares a lot of his feelings. He welcomes me with open arms when I am excited to see him and when I want to push him away.
Having done some googling beyond appropriate parameters I also know this is who he is outside his office, he is consistsnd and authentic.
He does a lot of meditation and grounding to be able to stay fully present to his clients.
He always gives off little warnings or tests things out on a super small scale before really bringing them up in session. Ie, “you said the phrase “too much”. Couple times now... so I know when he feels I am ready we will be talking about that when he feels I am ready.
He unabashedly tries to be good enough dad for me each and every session.