I am 61 years old, with two beautiful daughters, ages 30 and 22. I've been married for 30 years to my husband, who is 78. I have personally suffered from depression since I was a young woman, mostly managed successfully with medication. Both of my daughters have also been diagnosed with and are treated for, depression and anxiety. My older daughter has had the most difficult struggle and her illness has seriously affected her life and held her back. She has a college degree and is an extremely intelligent, kind, caring young woman. She has, however, made some bad choices in terms of choosing to drink and occasionally do drugs, and that has really impeded her ability to successfully manage her illness. She has also had difficulty finding a job in her area (art history) and holding on to the jobs she does find. She has mostly done part-time work since college, has been unable to support herself without our help, and this has also severely affected her depression and anxiety. Her self-esteem is below zero. A few months ago she decided to get her certification in order to go abroad and teach English, which she successfully did.


Unfortunately, about that time her poor choices led to her becoming pregnant and having an abortion (no judgements please), which continues to be something she is struggling with. She is not unhappy with her choice, however, she feels bad about herself for allowing a pregnancy to happen. My husband and I were supportive of her choice.


She recognized the lifestyle she was slipping into was destructive and she also wanted to save money so that she could go aboard to teach, so she has moved home with us in order to do that. She got a full-time job as a manager of a bakery nearby and mostly likes it and is doing well, until she isn't. A couple of times she's gone out and gotten drunk. I think when she does get drunk, she really gets drunk. My husband and I rarely drink, but we both had parents who were alcoholics, so this is a red flag to me. When she does this, she feels horrible and ashamed of herself. She recognizes what she's doing wrong, but then chooses to do it anyway. One of the reasons she came to our home to live for now is that she realized she wasn't doing what she needed to (she worked in restaurants, where apparently late night/early morning drinking is huge), but she also misses her friends there and she's lonely. She has one old friend out here, but I'm not sure she's the best person for her hang with when she's trying to avoid alcohol.

When she moved home, I gave her a gift of a few sessions with a trainer at my gym because she's put on a little weight and doesn't feel good about her appearance. She joined the gym and was working out regularly for a while, which helps her feel better, but her work hours have interrupted that a bit - also, she tends to sleep like she's a teenager. She "says" she's going to get back into working out a few times a week, but hasn't yet.


I guess right now I'm feeling terribly frustrated with her, as well as frightened for her future. She wants to change her appearance, but continues to not exercise (which also helps her mental health) and eat crap. She recognizes drinking is a bad thing for her, but continues to do it, even if it's an occasional beer. It's as if she knows what she's doing wrong and knows what she needs to do to change it, but just doesn't do it. I know depression plays a significant role in that, and I can relate because of my own experience, but I've rarely not been able to at least have that little spark of optimism that helps me pull through when I'm feeling bad. She doesn't seem to have that.


She is a wonderful person who is super smart, kind, funny and sweet. I love her to death but I don't want the rest of my life to be as a caretaker for my children. I want her to be able to be independent and functioning independently. Sometimes I think my life is going to be going back and forth between my two girls when they are going through difficulties. Last summer I spent weeks with my younger girl when she quit her meds and made her own bad choices that led to a serious relapse in her depression. She is now, thankfully, back on meds and seeing a therapist and doing well (knock wood).


My daughter saw a therapist for a while, which was helpful, and has tried to find one to see here, but her insurance makes it difficult and every therapist seems to be booked for months. We found a low-cost organization and have contacted some of their therapists to hopefully, get her in to see someone soon - she does want to begin therapy again. I have also encouraged her to reach out to a group to help her deal with the emotional aspects of post-abortion issues, but so far she hasn't done that.


The past few months have been hard for me - my father passed away in December and we spent months before his death back and forth to hospitals, my mother's health is failing, my husband is a good bit older than me and has his own health issues and I feel like I also have to be a caretaker to everyone. I wonder if I enable my children because I continue to provide financial support and always "come to the rescue" when something bad happens. I don't want this to be the rest of my life. I want to be able to do what I want to do without worrying about my kids. I don't want to spend all my money on them. But I worry what would happen if I didn't step in and help when things are bad for them.


I guess I'm a little at a loss as to how to continue with my older girl who keeps shooting herself in the foot, but is so remorseful and beats herself up so badly when she does fall. She told me that she feels pretty hopeless that she'll ever get a handle on her illness and be able to manage it and one day she is afraid she'll just end her own life. I feel like she's made it hard for her to even try to manage it when she's engaged in destructive behaviors most of the time she has been treated.


Thanks for listening - just need to vent, I guess.