In retrospect my idolizing clearly was a folie à deux. They controlled my narrative, "interpreted" me, others and events. They diagnosed people they've never me and pretended to understand what they never witnessed. They performed inhuman feats of omniscience.

They were scornful and authoritative, encouraging me to solicit their approval. They encouraged me to expose my weakest, most flawed, most anguished parts, which of course, was far from the total picture of my life.

(I made the mistake once of mentioning a success the first day of group therapy, and was reproached for it.)

I'm sometimes in group situations where others might find my role itself intimidating. I don't want anyone on alert, self-conscious or doing their role guessing how to "please" me. I do my best to relax, be part of the group and give feedback humbly.

I can't respect these would-be gurus who were my therapists, particularly since I really needed to get in touch with my own effectiveness and maturity.