What really hurts with the loss of the relationship, in particular, were all the other things lost with it. I lost his family and the chance to be around family on certain holidays. I lost potential friends...I never became friends with any of his friends independently so it's not like I'll ever see them again. And in a way, I lost a close friend in him. He'll talk to me if I talk to him, but the amount of contact has slowed down too quickly for my tastes. I feel bad always being the one who says hi when he used to be the one who did. I miss having someone to talk to every day.

Other people end up in roles in my mind that were vacated by the people who were supposed to fill them. Like the friend who's everything I wanted in a partner while I'm going through a bad time with my partner. Or the mentor who also in a way becomes my second mom. It's just having too much misplaced love and passion that have nowhere to go. I don't have a partner, children, or close family ties. The only family I have are my parents and I am afraid to get closer to them because my father is ultra-conservative and I'm LGBT. My mom would be fine, but she is beholden to him so I just don't want to create conflict.

Virtually any friends I would get close to would venture into the unrequited love category so I'm always hesitant to get too close to people. So you can see I'm just kind of alone with strong feelings of love and passion with nowhere for them to go (at least not in a healthy way). I wish I just had less love and passion...it would be a much more pleasant life.