instead of just signing up for the art course i emailed the lady some of my works in progress and pointed out what inwas having problems with in the hope she might know someone who can help. I felt maybe this was more proactive than paying money for a course i would find boring and would begin to resent it. At least asking for what i want is becoming a bit easier since i began therapy. I no longer think its all about people wanting to hurt me in some way. I understand boundaries abit better.