You learned to accept emotional abandonment Gymgirl, that is what this guy did to you and probably your ex as well. Growing up with an alcoholic/narcissist a child doesn't even understand what emotional abandonment means. It can become their normal, even what they think men are supposed to be like. So, with that it can actually be easy to miss important red flags "unknowingly". Often what growing up in that kind of dysfunction can present is a deep desire to finally overcome and win with that kind of toxic. Well, it's simply not a game you can ever win, especially if the individual is a narcissist. They simply don't CARE like you do, and when someone doesn't CARE, they are simply not interested in changing.