Hi LT:

You remind me a lot of myself. I know I've mentioned that before, but I say that because I want you to know that the advice I'm giving you is advice I give myself.

I love your T. I think he's perfect for you, and I believe some of what people consider 'cold' about him may be intentional on his part based on his assessment of your needs. I know there is some disagreement about this on the forum, but I feel strongly that he is offering what you need. I am highly sensitive, as you are. My T doesn't give in to my requests for reassurance or endless discussions about attachment. He spends a lot of time trying to lift me OUT of that space so I don't get lost in it, which I am prone to doing. I feel that this is what your T is doing... for perhaps the same reason.

I want to comment on something you said regarding the conversation about the affair. You said you felt as though your T was "taking your husband's side" when he said he believes your husband should be able to bring up the affair, despite how it makes you feel. You acknowledge that you realized he was only trying to help you, but I want you to consider this - perhaps it's ok that he 'takes your husband's side.' It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you / thinks poorly of you / doesn't want to work with you anymore, etc... it just means he feels differently than you do, and that's ok. I get upset when my T doesn't "take my side," but I have learned over time that it is my ego getting in the way.

As a thought experiment, imagine if the roles were reversed - your H had the affair, and you wanted to bring it up but your H became too emotional and couldn't tolerate your emotions around it. Would you feel differently about it then?

No need to respond I just wanted you to reflect on it. The only person you need to be honest about it with is yourself.