In the middle of a job I have been doing for 10 years. Ten years ago (before psych meds), my accuracy and speed were always in the top 5 percent (back then, the company had a facility in town where it was easy to compare my performance, now I work remotely). Since my 2015 attempt, I am not the same. My brain doesn't work like is used to. I make little grammatical errors all of the time when I post on PC. I don't ruminate but I used to get some great ideas when my brain was in that mode sometimes. However, yesterday, I forgot to take my Sertraline after breakfast and I was my old self, achieving the two bonuses for speed and accurracy very quickly due to the return of my intense concentration.

I have been struggling to make my bonuses this assignment and the sertraline I take for my anxiety and hyperactiveness is the reason. I notice that on this stuff I forget words, make more mistakes and overlook details. If I lived alone I would give the stuff up but on my walk with H yesterday afternoon, I was impatient with him, making him upset. So I took the d@** stuff after that walk and the makeup sex sucked too.

So I guess I will take the pill after work rather than in the morning so that I suck less at work. If I take it right before H comes home, I will be a more compliant, obediant wife!

One positive thing. It is Easter Day. I attempted on Easter Day (though it was April 5, 2015) and am no longer freaked out by the anniversary. I now see it as a milestone in my life where I began to understand myself better.