At this point, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I know nothing will ever be fair and I will get shafted in the end EVERY SINGLE TIME, but this has reached a level of unfairness that I'm surprised the fabric of the universe hasn't started ripping apart. In fact, my chair literally just fell apart and I had to put it back together before even writing this. It's like ripping off the bandaid and seeing you have a bullet wound...you know it'll likely hurt but then you see it's a mortal wound. Should have just kept the bandaid on.

If this is some sort of test, then I failed long ago. Dear Universe, you CAN STOP NOW. I have no faith. I have no hope. Did I do something unspeakable in a former life? Why else are you punishing me? WHAT DID I DO? I just want to know. I just want to know why. I just want to have a reason to stop crying. I've cried four or five times today. I can't sleep. I'm so tired but can I go to sleep? It'll just be worse when I wake up.

I just want to know why. That's all. What can I do?