Quote:
Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones
At this point, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. I know nothing will ever be fair and I will get shafted in the end EVERY SINGLE TIME, but this has reached a level of unfairness that I'm surprised the fabric of the universe hasn't started ripping apart. In fact, my chair literally just fell apart and I had to put it back together before even writing this. It's like ripping off the bandaid and seeing you have a bullet wound...you know it'll likely hurt but then you see it's a mortal wound. Should have just kept the bandaid on.
If this is some sort of test, then I failed long ago. Dear Universe, you CAN STOP NOW. I have no faith. I have no hope. Did I do something unspeakable in a former life? Why else are you punishing me? WHAT DID I DO? I just want to know. I just want to know why. I just want to have a reason to stop crying. I've cried four or five times today. I can't sleep. I'm so tired but can I go to sleep? It'll just be worse when I wake up.
I just want to know why. That's all. What can I do?
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You did nothing wrong. I know it hurts.
TBH I am feeling let down, again, myself today
I tried and I got let down again. Did all the right things but I guess it takes two. If I didn't try then I would have never known. From experience I know the sorrow and sadness will pass.
I am feeling lonely never being able to find that special someone. (Like others do)
I am trying to emote it out. Grieving is hard when someone is playing with your affections. I am attracted to people who are emotionally unavailable, I think.
At one time I found a good space of being happy single, I think it would be best to get back to it. I find it sad to think that I will never have that special person because I am too scared to try.
I don't know what the future holds but I feel very sad that I seem to be excluded from the joy of a close loving relationship.