Thanks, YB, I appreciate your comments. I agree that T is offering me what I need. He's asked before about if I think I need a more warm, fuzzy T instead. I said how that might be what I *want* at times, but not what I think I ultimately *need.* I fear that I'd just get stuck with getting the warm, fuzziness from such a T, as I felt I did at one point with ex-MC. My T is trying to push and challenge me and help me to figure out how to give myself what I need. It's not always going to feel good or be easy. And yeah, sometimes he's definitely right on the line of pushing/challenging me and kind of being a ****. But...I also find I'm now at a place where I can call him out on that, if he says something that offends or upsets me, which I think is quite a bit of progress for me (and he'd agree with that). It feels like this relationship where we can both be really honest with each other, which is very different in some ways from how things were with ex-MC (where he just seemed to accept everything I did and said, right until the very end). It's also the sort of relationship I'm not used to.

And you make a really good point about role reversal with the affair...