Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleypenwren
Have you ever been manipulated by a T? My emdr T who I thought I knew pretty well admitted to manipulating me on Wednesday. She has always been really gentle and kind and I trusted her. I was starting to get attached even, because she was so steady and awesome.
On Wednesday I said I feel like leaving therapy even though I'm not better. I told her I think it's a reaction to getting closer to her. I was reaching out for help. She reacted almost opposite of how she normally would. When I've showed any attachment so far she's been happy, and patient when I alternately pull away, but this time she backed off and said she doesn't care if I terminate, she doesn't care if I lose all my progress, she can't do anything for me at this point.
I fell right into the trap and backtracked and more or less poured my heart out saying I was attached and wanted to stay in therapy and the "pulling away" and discussing the end was just posturing.
Then said said, I know. I did that knowing that it would help you see.
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about this. How would you feel? |
Hi Ashleypenwren,
Thanks for sharing this and I am sorry that you have had a negative experience in therapy.
This is something that I have experienced, so I apologize if my limited insight is in anyway invalidating or judgmental. It is only ever meant to help.
I see two problems, both of which you really should bring up.
The first is the issue with the attachment - which you are very aware of. While she may have been manipulative in her approach, she was upfront about it, which I think shows she is both compassionate and empathetic.
However, the part that is most important to discuss with your therapist is that her methods are a source of harm. While her methods may bring important transference and attachment issues to the forefront (which could in turn expand your awareness and insight), perhaps you can request that she not do it again. Even if she did have the best intentions, her actions have left you feeling manipulated. That means she may not be a good fit, especially if she is not willing to change her methods for you. As much as it may feel she is manipulating you, just remember that feelings are not facts.
Personally I cannot stand when therapists play these little games. I'd rather have a therapist be transparent and willing to talk about the core of the problem rather than do these tactics.
Thanks,
HD7970ghz