Quote:
Originally Posted by Isolda van der Meer
Hi there,
I'd just like to hear what you think. I feel like I could have some mental health problems, probably some kind of manic depression. But when I read about it, my situation seems not so bad compared to what I've read.
A complication is that I don't really remember my strange moods. I just forget every of my feelings immediately and I feel like nothing unusual ever happened. I know what happened, what I was doing and how I felt, but I feel like it wasn't real, if you understand. I also really want to think that I'm totally okay and nothing is wrong with me. But what I know is this:
I have some periods of bad mood. It lasts usually from one to three months. I thing it's not very serious since I can do the majority of things as usual (excepting some moments). I just don't feel good. Sometimes I'm tired and feel empty, sometimes I cry for no reason, sometimes I'm anxious. I also quite often think about death and I have some moments when I feel like I deserve death because I'm horrible person and everybody would be glad if I died. But I think my behaviour is quite normal and nobody notices any changes (or at least nobody told me).
On the other hand, I have also some periods of strange good mood. These periods are more various. Sometimes I feel quite euphoric and sometimes I have just a strange feeling, like something extraordinary will definitely happen and will definitely be something great. I often think that I'm in contact with another dimension and then I write strange philosophical texts about music (I'm a composition student). But I also don't think I behave strangely during these periods. Maybe I'm sometimes more talkative. There are also more strange periods of strange good mood when I have a lot of energy and can't get rid of it. Then I often just run somewhere (and that's strange because I usually hate running). I also speak faster and gestikulate more. Once I even planned to have sex with the first man I'll see (and that's totally not my style), but i didn't do it.
I have also some mixed periods when I can laugh loudly and plan a suicide in one moment. It usually comes when I don't sleep enough. Once I met a friend during this period and he stared at me all the time and asked three times if I was okay.
I didn't do anything to solve it and I don't think I will do so in the future. I don't feel like it's so serious and I got quite used to it... and I so desperately want to think that I'm totally okay (or at least just a mad composer). But I'd love to know your opinion.
Thank you for reading this and sorry for the long text and for my bad English.
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You sound find to me, but that's because I think differently as well. In the end it's only your opinion that matters. You shouldn't allow yourself to think in such a manner or it'll just get worse. Death will come to us all one day and I think you're quite interesting and talented to end it before it's your time. "A mind is such a terrible thing to waste"
Have you ever researched Edger Allen Poe? His thinking has inspired millions, even after his death. If I knew you I wouldn't see or treat you any different but would engage in conversations that would puzzle or cause people to think we we're great philosophers.
Einstein believed in parallel dimensions yet was the founding father of nuclear power. People lack imagination these days and its getting worse with TV and technology that will do and think for them. I feel as the world is sliding back into stupidity and easily manipulated by people of power just as they have for thousands of years.
There was a time where people wanted to be unique and special. Today everyone wants to be the same and shames those for having a different opinion or view. Just because the majority says this is the way!!! It doesn't constitute that they're right. The majority doesn't have the power over me or will they ever. There's a lot of unintelligent and easily controlled people in the world yet I can happily say, I'm not one of them.
Students of the arts have such imaginative qualities. Someone brilliant might cause people to look at them strange not because something is wrong with that person it's just they have no way to relate. When people can't relate the first thing they do is push this notion that you're broken and crazy. It's just childish thinking, but we do live in a world full of adult children or that's just how I see them. Children.
Hopefully you'll evaluate what I've written and either adopt it or come up with your own meaning altogether. But for all means don't accept the opinions of those that can't comprehend. Would you accept advice from a 5 year old? See them all as children and their words and ignorance won't affect you. Only stupidity, rude, hateful, judgmental people affect me but in a way where I want to show them their wrong to be hurtful to others for their enjoyment. Those are the 10 year olds that push other kids down during recess and continue to do so even adulthood.
I wish you well.