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Desoxyn
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Desoxyn We are one mind
 
Member Since: Aug 2016
Location: The Netherlands
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Default Apr 24, 2019 at 06:10 AM
 
I'll stay because I don't know how to handle my problems by myself. I need support or things will be scary because my family doesn't know how to handle things like other people with the illness.

I'm going to walk to the gas station at 5am to get smokes. I'm supposed to be skiing today. I suppose it's ok to stay up for 30 hours or so then I'll go to sleep and take zero Ativan or Xanax and won't drink.

Idk when I don't take a stimulant in the day, I can't sleep at night but I thought the Seroquel would help but it didn't tonight. The alcohol could be making me not sleep because I drank before my moms bf picked me up to get new ski's because I think the whole thing is weird - my mom being with a married man and everyone keeping secrets from me.

Then junkdna makes comments like the soldiers do and I went off the edge so maybe I can't sleep because of that. Either way it's MY FAULT and my moms fault for being so selfish.

Also I wasn't even being serious about the eating disorder. But then I deluded myself into thinking I was being serious because I'm suicidal and thought well if I'm going to die from an eating disorder, I might as well be serious about it.

I hope that makes sense..
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