Yesterday felt like a family crisis. I had mentioned that my dad had been finally hospitalized in a dual diagnosis unit at a nearby psych hospital. But then Dad started to have outbursts and was insisting on going home. My brother went to the hospital and found they were going to transfer dad to the general hospital because of his low oxygen levels, but all the while Dad was ranting/yelling about wanting to go home (like 50 times), that he needed his snuff (chewing tobacco), and that when he gets home he'll "pull out his guns".

My brother drove to my house before going to the general hospital, where they were transporting Dad. He wanted "coffee". Truth is, my brother was more upset than I have ever seen him, even after my mother's death. I know how horrible it must have been for my brother to see my dad in mental crisis. It was almost traumatic for my husband seeing me in them in the past. Anyway, on my brother's way out of my house he grabbed me in the most intense hug ever. He was crying. It's hard to describe how immensely sad it made me feel for him.

My brother needed support at the general hospital so drove all the way to my sister's house to pick her up to go with him there. Unfortunately, I was/am not the right person to be such a support. I had already had a bit of a momentary breakdown a couple hours before.

I took my evening medications very early because I could not bear the stress. I had already been sleeping at 9:30 pm when my brother and sister called with some update. I remember talking to them, but in a state of half sleep. I emailed my sister a bit ago (4:30 am) and apologized and told her that I don't remember hardly anything they said by phone when they last called. I do think maybe my dad is still at some hospital. I get the sense of that.

My brother told me the psych hospital Dad was put in is extremely nice. I know that because I have been there. It's in a bucolic environment with peacocks and other animals roaming around or in their mini "zoo". The building is brand new and lovely inside and out. He said the doctor and nurse he spoke with were extremely nice. That doesn't matter to Dad, though. My dad is still slightly traumatized about being in a psych hospital and being away from his rituals and booze.

My brother said that he gave my dad's psychiatrist my family's full psychiatric history. I'm not sure if my dad would have said a thing about it, including about his mother's. Bro said he would share the same at the general hospital. I told him to share about Dad's rants about the guns, too, and not to blow them off. My youngest nephew used to threaten to hang himself. In the end, he did.