I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, maria5043! I completely understand what you mean! I often feel the same way as well! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! It is important to ACCEPT and LOVE OURSELVES FIRST! I believe that's the most important thing a person can do, ESPECIALLY to help themselves! I understand things are VERY hard right now, but trust me when I say that they won't be like this forever! They CAN and WILL get better! I PROMISE YOU THAT! I completely agree with what raging vortex has already wisely said better than I ever could! Keep yourself busy and try to find as many distraction as you can! Hopefully that will help a little bit! Most importantly FOCUS ON YOURSELF and take GREAT care of yourself as much as you possibly CAN! That's the most important thing that YOU CAN DO! I PROMISE YOU THAT! Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help! You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings if you haven't already of course! Please DO consider it as much as you can if you're NOT seeing one, maria5043! Things CAN and WILL get better for you and for everyone! I PROMISE YOU THAT! I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this, maria5043! You don't deserve to suffer AT ALL! Nobody deserve to suffer AT ALL, certainly not such a caring, kind, generous, gentle, strong, sweet, wise and wonderful person LIKE YOU ARE! You're AWESOME! You're STRONG! You're A WARRIOR! You're an AWESOME, STRONG WARRIOR! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THIS AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! Remember that WE'RE HERE FOR YOU! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME! Let us know if there's ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL that WE CAN DO to HELP YOU OUT! Just LET US KNOW and MENTION IT and we'll do EVERYTHING THAT WE POSSIBLY CAN and we'll TRY OUR BEST to HELP YOU OUT with WHATHEVER YOU NEED AT THE MOMENT! I PROMISE YOU THAT! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK! Let us know how it goes!!!!! Sending many hugs to you, maria5043!