Susannah, it seems that you had a fairly good session indeed!

I agree with you in that sense that saying things is doing as well and I also agree that in normal relationship situation it would be inappropriate to pour your angry feelings out to everybody.

However, I'm a firm believer that therapy is different, especially when the hate is transferential and symbolic as it seems to be in your case and probably in most cases. I don't generally hate anyone - I can't even imagine what someone has to do in order for me to hate them. Yes, I might be annoyed about stuff that people do and I may not necessarily like them very much but hatred? nah. But I have hated my therapist and not the real person of him because he has never done anything bad to me but I have hated someone that he stood for in those moments and in those moments I wasn't able to see clearly that he is just a substitute. Understanding that is also made more complex due to the fact that I don't ever remember myself hating anyone, so it's not totally clear who he was substituted with.

Anyway this means that there can be hatred hidden in person and it just doesn't go away in itself. You have dissociated personalities. The milder version is dissociated feelings. Hatred is a very strong and unacceptable feeling in many ways, so it has a larger tendency to get dissociated. But it's not gone, it's still there and is effecting you who know in what ways.

You have become in touch with the hate, that means it's not completely dissociated anymore, that means it's possible to work with that. How can you work with that if expressing it is unacceptable? You can't. And although you said that you find it unacceptable, it seems that you beautifully expressed it in session.

I don't think that saying "I hate you" in itself does anything. Without proper feelings backing it up in the moment it's just empty words. However, when the feeling is there, then you don't even have to say this particular phrase because the feeling will be conveyed anyway, regardless of the choice of words. I guess that's why I don't understand the common taboo with respect to this phrase.

Also, to me it makes totally sense that your T "prefers" not to receive angry texts and would like you to call instead. With text messages you are basically sending your hatred towards her but the possibility for real communication (receiving, understanding and responding appropriately) are very limited. So sending such text messages is really doing, while talking about it in session or even via phone call is still to my mind less doing, because then it is an act of interpersonal communication, which is what talk therapy is based on.