It's been 25 years literally to the week since my therapist who adopted me into her family abruptly severed our relationship. I can say, 25 years later, it finally doesn't hurt. I don't long for the "mommy" she was to me for 4 years. I don't long for her family I was brought into anymore. Instead I look back on what she did to me and how she devastated the course of my life, with rage. The first therapist I had after having been dumped and long-term hospitalized encouraged me to sue my old therapist. She said I deserved compensation. I loved too much. I hurt too much to do it then. It would have destroyed me to try. It took several very patient therapists, a saint of a psychiatrist, an ocean of tears, countless PTSD episode treatments, and many hospitalizations, but I have finally arrived. I told my current therapist I was ready now to sue her. Unfortunately, the statutes of limitations has expired. So, I was encouraged to write her a letter as if she was being indicted for ethics code violations. Then I told her I wanted us to meet with my current therapist as judge, and sent it registered mail. She got my letter. I never heard from her. I'm ok though. I hit her hard. I wrote the letter point by point on how she violated each of the ethics codes that she was legally obligated to strictly observe to keep her license. I'm sure I scared her. I didn't feel the least bit of compassion. She never paid a price for what she did to me but I'm sure my indictment gave her some queasy moments.

My point in writing all this is to encourage you to just keep taking baby steps (that's how my psychiatrist described the process). Rely on your therapist and your psychiatrist. Yes, it took me a long time, but I got there. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do in therapy, but I did it. My secret, I let myself be helped. I let myself trust again. I let myself bond again.

If you can make the switch in your mind from hope about seeing your ex T to hope for the moment you are free of your ex T, that might be a place to start. Ask for help from your current T and your psychiatrist then accept their help. Baby steps.

Keep posting. You aren't alone.