I see what you are saying and lots have people have told me that. I honestly don’t know for sure whether it will still be important to me. Perhaps, with more objectivity of the relationship/situation, I won’t want to see her again. Perhaps I will never feel confident in myself to be okay with seeing her and be worried that I’d fall right back into obsessiveness again.

However, right now, I think I will always want to see her again. She knew me from the inside out and I felt a level of intimacy with her that I have never felt with anyone. We worked so close, so hard, and a genuine bond developed that I think will always be there. My hunch is that I will always want to see her and be able to have a normal positive conversation simply for the sake of closure. I know that deep down, that should come from within me regardless of whether she is willing to be a part of it or not. If it comes down to it, maybe I will have to accept I may not got the closure I had hoped for. However, it would be very meaningful to me if she was open to being a part of it because I will always deeply care about her and treasure the connection we had. I just wish I didn’t have to look back on our last interaction with memories of me being totally disregulated, in shock, angry, devestated, traumatized, etc. I am not saying that I don’t deserve to feel that way or that she’s responsible for alleviating those feelings. I just think that if it was possible, if she was open to it, it would mean so much to me and would of course help me in moving on.