I was thinking that there may be another way to look at hope that isn’t so black/white.

There was a point during my tumultuous termination with my therapist that I thought it would be feasible to see her in the future, out of the office, and separate from the therapist/client hierarchy that felt so painful and obsessive to me. I planned in my mind the details of the coffee and lunch meetings we would have, and for a while I held on to the expectation that these meetings were really going to happen. I envisioned us coming together as two equals and sharing what was going on in our lives... with her face lit up with pride on what I was doing with my life. The thought made me happy and I didn’t see any reason to challenge my plans. Over time, I started to understand and accept that my therapist wasn’t willing to do this with me – but the mental picture of our coffee and lunches didn’t evaporate. After everything that’s happened between us, there’s still a place in my mind where I talk to her over coffee and she’s still proud of me. It’s safe and very separate from the reality of what really happened between us – without all the obsession, longing, disappointment and frustration.

Another member (apologies for not recalling who) posted about thinking about termination and coping with loss as ‘packing’. Choosing the very best memories to put in a mental suitcase and leaving the rest behind. Maybe it’s a matter of picking through the very best memories of your therapist and setting aside a place in your mind and heart to feel safe with those memories.

Reality and the grip your therapist still holds on your life need to be dealt with, 100% – in your own time. Nobody can rush you. However, holding space for the best parts of your therapist within you isn't a bad thing.