Mickey- you are so supportive here at PC and I am glad that you are reaching out for your own help. I am serious when I say this you are the NICEST person I have ever met online and that counts for something. Always be proud of that kindness and its time to extend that kindness towards yourself. Its ok to feel confused or scared about things. And its ok to not have the answers. I do not think you should lie to your parents but in the interest of getting started and self protection I think not telling them unless they directly ask might be a way to get around the initial hard steps. Of course you are going to have to get to a place of acceptance and be willing to tell them what you are up to if you think they need to know but for now just work around them. You know in your heart and with your good sense that they really do not need to give their blessing on what you are doing. You know you are strong inside but your scared and fear is the greatest motivator. Unfortunately some people are so afraid that it has a reverse effect and they hide or never take that step forward. Sometimes you face it and it feels so scary but it ends up being for the best or not that bad. You are not a coward. A coward is afraid and does nothing. Someone with courage is afraid but does something anyway;