I felt and still feel so shameful for my behavior during my episode. I simply cannot figure out how my brain got so out of control so quickly. Sometimes I think there just are no good answers for our behavior when we are in these kinds of states. We just have to forgive ourselves and be thankful it didn't end worse than it did. I could have ended up dead and I am so grateful to the people who dealt with me when I was insane. They kept me alive and safe. I don't have names for most of them and I don't even remember their faces, but they are heroes to me.