The question of 'How can I just pull through?' is lingering in my mind A LOT. See, today was the last day of my BSc first year. It ended with my lab exam this afternoon. I feel lonely. Because, the friends I have known for a whole academic year, will start seeing me less and less often because I am opting for different subject and they are opting for a different subject. Although we still have two mutually overlapping subjects, it's very unlikely I'll see them in the lab or the classroom because of the fact I simply don't know what division and batch they will get and what division and batch I will get...

It's so painful, maybe it's the end of our friendship as we know it. It was ONE AMAZING thing to know how awesome people can be. Sure, there may have been flaws here and there about their behavior towards me, but then again how can you expect a cinematic relationship with people in this world?

My friend circle had like three closest friends (the number was later reduced to two) but I also had great friendships with many other people. So I'd say I have had about ten to twenty good friends I met at the start of this academic year and the BSc course.


Also, my lack of friends isn't the only powerful reason preventing me from enjoying my academic life. It's my illness also. It gives me a massive doubt I can do a feat such as getting a PhD and the stuff I want to do after it, also gives me a panic attack. How am I supposed to pull through?

I am also going through a heartbreak over a romantic relationship.

I have no idea how many new people I will meet after I get into second year. And I have no idea how their behavior will be towards me. But I'll hope for the best.


I feel so beaten up. But I will try my best.