I understand how scary and heart wrenching finding this out must be - possibly even like the floor disintegrating beneath you as you stand atop it. This is one of the very few times I cannot say I can relate on a significant level - but I do understand what it is to know "yes my dad did things much more terrible than other dads" and then wake up and realize he actually did something a hundred times worse than you thought it was.

Now - I don't know if how I described you might be feeling is truly how you feel or not. I could imagine you feeling that way though. Am I right? Or do you feel something altogether differently?

I know if it were me finding this out about my Dad .. probably the thing that would upset me most is the amount of cruelty that must have been present in him and wondering why.

Curious though - what is it that upsets you most? Everything about it is bad, yes. But when you think on it - what is the thing that you find yourself focusing on most?

I once watched a Dr Phil show based upon this same subject. A daughter never knew all the horrid things her father did - because he was one person when he was with her, and a completely other when he became the monster the public heard about but could never find. Then - one day, the cops showed up at the door - and that's how she found out.

People treated her differently after that. Some with more compassion. Many with cruelty.

Took her a long time, but she came to understand she is not her dad. She is not responsible for his actions. She has her own life. She actually wrote a book about her journey.

Her story may be beneficial to you.

Here is a video of the interview
YouTube

Here is a link to her book
A Serial Killer's Daughter: My Story of Faith, Love, and Overcoming

I am not trying to promote her - but rather to promote you to the happiness you deserve. ❤