You're right about channeling some of that love into my marriage. I've gone through miscarriages and a stillbirth over the past few years so i've kinda felt like i've been in this fog I can't snap out of which made me start therapy in the first place. I feel like all my depression and anxiety has made it harder putting energy into my marriage at times. I probably should of gone to therapy years ago because i've suffered from depression and anxiety for a very long time.

I did have a childhood where I felt like I never got a lot of emotional support, mostly from my father. He is also an alcoholic which made life tougher. I didn't realize how much it affected me until I was in my 30s. Over the years I learned to push people away when I needed support because I never felt I could really turn to anyone especially as a teenager.