Hi guys! Just to keep in touch with you...
I’m so tired because of my job that I have not any energy to think about how and why everything happened to me.... my ex husband is going to marry my ex friend, they are in a hurry, it seems they are frightened of losing their train...I don’t know, they are no long my matters.
I’m looking at my life like a movie on the television, I have no emotions, no happiness, no willingness, maybe also no pain. Nothing at all.
Delusion after delusion, I’m also no longer frightened (or unhappy) to be alone. I’m meaning, I’m very frightened to be alone for the rest of my life, when also my parents or relatives won’t be anymore....I will have anyone but one or two friends....and a lot of things to take care about... I’ll do my best and pay for a good insurance, because no one will take care of me... and I‘m really frightened.... but not to be inside a couple, now I don’t care. I don’t want anyone bothering me with jealousy or other strange things. I want to be myself. I don’t want to pretend to be something different in order to be appreciated and loved. I’ve lost my tolerance.
When I go to my job, in the early morning, I cry. But I can’t do anything to change things. I have to accept. Everything. And I’ll do.