I used to feel emotionaly numb, it was like if emotions are dangerous and can hurt. I used to feel everything less intense, because I created a kind of barrier for all the emotions, good or bad. Now that is changing after one year of psycoterapy, and I suffer more now since the feelings got amplified. I became more aware of the things that damaged me, and about the fact I was not loved, and that what I thought love is was just an affection, or need. That is very sad. I wonder sometimes if I can really love someone, and if I can reckognise if someone really loves me. I used to escape from partners that treated me well and that probably loved me, but I just couldn't realise that. On the other hand I was attracted to narcissistic type of men, feeling really in love and wanting to gain their attention. And then I would feel bad for how they treat me, thinking there is something wrong with me and that it's my fault if they treat me wrong (exactly like it happens with my father). In every relationship, I would feel that there is something missing, but I couldn't understand what. And I would go from one relationship to another. It was like searching for someone to fill that emptiness inside of me, but it never worked. Now I'm single, and working on myself. I think that if I manage to overcome that feeling of emptiness, and create a good relationship with myself, I will finally become able to create a good relationship with someone else.