My son enjoys laughing at me after he has made me upset. It is only when I am on my antidepressant that I am able to see it more quickly and can walk away earlier. When I have told my T stories about situations where he has laughed at me, she has said, "He has contempt for you," but I don't hold it against my son because I think there is something wrong with him. I love him anyways; he has no one but me.

When I spoke to him yesterday, he said he only had $5 left on his grocery gift card (and hadn't eaten yesterday) so we agreed to meet for breakfast today. I was also going to buy him another grocery store card after breakfast. My daughter wanted to go so I said, "Yes." I thought it was good for the three of us to eat together and support each other. When I let my son know she was coming, he said, "I will only eat with you if she agrees to eat kosher" (no meat/eggs and cheese together--he has never been to a Synogogue, we are not Jewish). My daughter is the type who refuses to be controlled and it is reasonable for her to be able to order what she wants. Anyways, it was obvious that breakfast would have been a disaster. I can tell when being with my son will be torturous. I met him at the close grocery store (it is a more expensive one) and just got him $25 in cash. He kept trying to employ tactics to keep me from leaving plus argued why it was wrong for me to want to bring his sister. His sister is a strong willed person who refuses to take his bs.

When I finally walked away with him still insisting I stay in the meat dept of the store he was laughing at me and discussing my mental illness issues in front of the cashier. I am not that embarrassed for her to know; the issue is his disrespect. A part of me felt like I shouldn't give him the money but in the past, he seems to get really crazy when he goes without eating. He has no job. Lives in a tent. Etc. I know I feed him in order to soothe my own conscience but there have been periods of time where I have let him go hungry. The hunger did not change his behavior and he became completely pitiful.

I still talk with my son daily and try to eat with him once a week (lately, I see if his father will go instead). My husband and I still hope and pray that he will see he needs help. We can only help if we stay in touch. I have not wanted to be specific about my son's problems but want people to understand that both his dad and I have really tried to support him. The problem is either I spoiled him (I was spoiled so that seemed normal to me. ) or he has a serious mental issue. I really do not know for sure.