I hope you're feeling better, SilverTrees. Unfortunately, I have no advice; only a sad experience to share. When I was reading the PC article on CEN, I checked at least 6 of 7 boxes. I haven't been diagnosed with it, but I just feel useless. I have no strengths. I have nothing. Unfortunately, this is a fact more than it is a feeling. And that's especially more frustrating when you want to do everything, but can't do anything.

I hope what's below is atleast relevant to some degree.

I've recently started to feel a lot of rage for the stuff my dad says. Yesterday he was talking about me going to Germany about a year after I pass my bachelor's degree for my Master's and his exact words were "You'll go to Germany a year after passing your bachelor's". I responded with a "we'll see" and he kept pushing. This got me very angry.

And today, in his plan for a business (he always comes up with some incoherent business idea, which he is spending a lot of money on turning one of our houses into an office. He's lost money like this in the past too, basically daydreaming and stuff. Rent is our only income for now, and we don't even have that right now) he said that at some point, I'll need to take over or at least substitute for him sometimes. As he was saying that only thought running in my head was "If you ever give me the business or the house, I Swear To God I'm either gonna burn it down or tear it down brick by brick".

He doesn't even let me use the bike, My Bike, and says that I shouldn't ride it because of my elbow surgery, even after the doctor told me to. I couldn't even use it long before the accident. I missed a long drive with friends because of that. I don't fit in anywhere. And whenever he's around, he snatches the situation away from me. I don't know how to have fun. And I hate myself.

Looking back at my childhood and adolescence, I realised this always used to happen. He always used to say stuff like "you don't know how to do this" and when something went wrong when I try, to this day, he says "I knew it". How dare he have the audacity to say that. He makes many more bad decisions than I do, and repeats them with arrogance.

When I use something or try something out, he hurriedly comes to me and panics about me ruining that stuff. Like a phone(which I get to know about first) or a camera in my childhood. I was experimenting with the settings a bit, but so was he, in the same childish way.My sister didn't have that problem, so she doesn't have a confidence problem.

Whenever something is slightly inconvenient with the computer, he says "what did you do, it's not working right". Last time we went to our mechanic and he was pushing all the switches in the car, some safety related buttons and other stuff, he should not be the one to talk.

My sister listened to my parents only when she wanted to, and I was a little opposite to that in my childhood. I would follow it with little question, and the questions I did ask were struck down with my dad saying "because discipline", or stuff like you don't need to do such small stuff (I'm taking about driving and riding a bike).Sometimes I think that if I was smart enough to figure out that it was not
true, things would've been different. He keeps changing what he says all the time, I should've known better. Sometimes he says I need to do something exactly the way he says(because discipline) and sometimes he yells "think out of the box" for the same task.

Now my sister's word matters much more than mine, and she has more confidence than I do. I don't resent her or anything; I just wish it were different.

He says that psychology and psychiatry aren't real. This coming from a person who believes that positions of your stars have the power to affect many aspects of your life. If that can be true, how can events affecting your brain not be true?