Sorry to hear about your son. I can't imagine how you deal with the loss every day.. it must be very difficult.

Most people in my experience don't understand severe mental illness, you probably did the right thing. If you are lucky enough to find someone who understands they generally have to get to know you first, and even then when you tell them they won't see past the diagnosis. Being alone is not so bad. I feel it might be more helpful to work on why you don't want to be alone, and look at the positives in it. Am not saying you won't meet someone, but looking for it usually means it doesn't happen, it happens when you don't expect it anyway, if it does. I am single for life now and although I don't like being alone there is not alternative with the issues I have. But I can go where I want and do what I want, and visit who I want when I want.

That of course is just my view, but I think coming to terms with living and being alone is perhaps the best thing to do, whether you meet someone or not. It will also raise your own standards and not put up with any **** from anyone who is interested.

Best of luck with it all. Hugs. xx