Thanks for this amandalouise and betty_b. I have had internal dialogue for as long as I can remember. And I never quite knew what the difference was between "hearing voices" (outside of my head) vs. that internal dialogue. I knew I never had like auditory hallucinations. So I just never considered the inner voices as anything other than normal. In my mind I don't exactly differentiate between the tones but I have definitely been saying "we" and "us" and "you" and things like that for so long. The moment I am alone in the house, I almost always start a chat with myself, out loud. As if the team has been waiting inside for a chance to finally chat with each other. In fact...it was 5 months ago when I very clearly heard, "I'm right here, (my name.)" It was a comforting tone. A knowing tone. I kept hearing it. Like an unexpected reassurance. "I'm right here. It's going to be okay." It was that "I'm right here" that caused me to start opening my mind about DID. It had never occurred to me that having zero memory from age 4-10 was somewhat unusual. It never occurred to me that little notes I found from myself over the years, or all of the other little signals/breadcrumbs I've been leaving myself over the years were perhaps me, trying to save me and help me. Yesterday, it became clear to me who "I'm right here" was coming from...and I started to cry in this happy/half laughing half shaking my head kind of way. So many things are starting to make sense.

This is an incredible journey of self discovery. I know it won't be easy or resolve overnight. But I really appreciate hearing about your experiences. It gives me hope and allows me to feel less alone.


FearLess47