I can't tell you what you should do, because I don't have enough information. But I could tell you what I would do if I were you. Do you have a therapist? I would consider getting one. They can help you with the grief over the loss of your dad (my sincerest condolences) and also help with the relationship drama you seem to be in with your boyfriend. It definitely seems like you are under an extreme amount of stress right now. Can you consider taking a vacation and go by yourself somewhere where you feel safe, maybe with your sister? Give yourself a break and time to decompress and think about all these things going on in your life without having to experience them. Or alternatively, might you consider taking a break from your relationship with your boyfriend. It doesn't mean you have to break up but take a step back and disengage for a little while (I'm assuming you have strong feelings and love him, but if not then consider breaking up with him). I'm sorry you feel so bad that you are cutting. Recently (this week) I relapsed too so I know that it's really hard. It sounds like your stress is overwhelming your coping mechanisms. A therapist might be able to help you with that as well. If anything, keep talking here. We are listening, and we care. HUGS Kit