I have dealt with eating disorders before and maybe have had disordered eating for parts of my life. I was doing well and eating like 1800 calories a day and working out. Then my dad died 3/24 and I lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks from being unable to eat dinner and ate less at other meals. However I kept my workout schedule for fear of stopping and gaining weight or losing muscle. My boyfriend started fighting with me more and dumped me 5 times but then wanted me back and I allowed that roller coaster which caused a lot of stress along with my grief. I started drinking more as well and because I knew I would sometimes have calories from alcohol I would less.... I eat breakfast (oatmeal) then a bowl of yogurt for lunch then nothing for dinner or maybe Half a piece of toast and then maybe a small snack before bed. I am sometimes eating a little more than that. I feel nauseous all the time and kind of dizzy. I make excuses that I’ve already eaten if I meet people for dinner or tell them I don’t feel good. Recently I don’t feel good and feel nauseous all the time which makes eating harder. I don’t drink every day but maybe every three days to also help deal with all my stress. I also chew and spit foods when I’m really hungry so I don’t actually have to eat it. I don’t feel like I look any skinnier and I don’t think my stomach looks flat enough but my boyfriend said i look way too skinny. My other friends encourage me to eat sometimes if we are out knowing that I I lost all that weight. I know I’m depressed and have severe anxiety. I see a therapist but can’t get an appointment until later in June but am on the waiting list. I didn’t think this was a problem until I started feeling sick all the time and then I started thinking maybe not eating is making my stomach feel sick. But I am afraid to eat a big meal. I don’t want to gain back the weight. I like how I am and am scared to put on any weight. In high school I went through a time when I only ate 500 calories a day for a long time. I lost a lot of weight. When I weighed more before my dad died I counted my calories every day to eat 1800 but I know I was eating enough but I never went over. I always ate the exact amount or less I also didn’t drink back then. I started drinking due to the stress of the grief and my boyfriend. The fighting and sadness is not manageable.