“Also: should I not by now start to realize I am the one to blame? A relationship with my professor (that turned out to have done that before), with one doctor (that turned out to have done that repeatedly), and now this awkward thing with my newer doctor. This is telling about me. I am doing this with my transference. “

Lets remember that you were seeing him for help with some of the things that you wanted to change...He was responsible for safeguarding your welfare no matter what...not the other way around...

You are a step ahead of many. You realize you have transference and/or attachment issues.

This doctor is not good for you no matter his expertise or treatment methods, especially if his constant abandonment causes you such torment that you are questioning taking your life. He is a threat to your health and a waste of time, affection and money.

I’m hoping you will find another treating doctor and also see a female therapist who is knowledgeable and comfortable treating a client with attachment issues.

Good luck.