I know this is a slightly old post, but if you happen to get on I want to say... I've been in your shoes. I know what it's like. I may not know exactly how you feel, but I've been here. 3 years ago when my first was born, I could have written this. It can get better, but only if you get help. With therapy and Zoloft I was some how able to make it to a year postpartum. And then two. And now I have a second baby, and while I have PPD again it is nowhere near as bad as it was after my first.
I hope you are doing okay.