Is really the last thing I want to deal with right now.
Today I let one of our first cousin's really "have it" on Facebook, when she messaged me today a superficial apology -- disingenuous at best -- about why she never called me two weeks ago to offer me emotional support over the phone like I had asked her to: because she has higher up priorities.
Now, did my first cousin use those words? No, but the context of her annoying Facebook message BLARED that context loud and clear to me. So, I went off on her than later deleted my responses that both her older sisters (my two older first cousins) also read, b/c it was a group message.
Here's the gist of the message exchange:
Quote:
First cousin: She talked about how having four kids takes up her time, how all she wants to do is relax at home with a glass of wine and maybe if she has time she'll call me this week, and she's thinking of me and sending me her thoughts and prayers.
Context: Your emotional well-being during this crisis with your mother, my aunt, is not a high priority for me. It takes too much effort to call you, so I'll just hide behind my Facebook message wall, and send you my disingenuous thoughts and prayers because it's the thought that counts, right?
My response: Thanks for your glib response, first cousin. Thanks for letting me know how low on your totem pole of priorities I am. Next time, i won't ask you or your two sisters to reach out to me when I ask you to, for emotional support, now that i know none of you will. (She and my sister are very emotionally close like sisters, ironically enough and talk on the phone frequently).
Context: Your glib response to my frequent requests for phone calls, for emotional support, has shown me that you don't value or respect me enough to offer me genuine emotional support, during this emotional crisis of my mother having a stroke and her dementia growing worse, and how disruptive this has been to my life which is very unstable (no job, no place to live yet with 3 weeks to find a place to live or I'm literally homeless).
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While I deleted my pretty angry response to her glib Facebook message, I know she and her two older sisters read it. I don't care as i"m so angry that they couldn't be bothered to call me when I asked them to, b/c I wanted some emotional support from my first cousins (the first cousins on my dad's side who live in my same city are silent on Facebook and haven't even responded to my updates about my mom's situation, so they're still the same assholes they've always been, and their lack of response doesn't even phase me as much as these other first cousins on my mom's side of my family bothers the hell out of me).
Emotional Abuse Abounds because how the hell can you be so glib to someone you're related to, who is clearly SUFFERING and in EMOTIONAL PAIN. Because you are just a *****? Maybe? Maybe.
All three of these first cousins have stable lives. My unstable life is not their fault and I don't blame them for my choices. But, what I want to hold them accountable for, is their lack of empathy -- real empathy. Real empathy to me, looks like this: your cousin expresses suffering and emotional pain about a current life situation and asks you to call them, so you call them, and you listen and you provide emotional support over the phone. Because you love them. Because you care.
Not these three first cousins. At least not with me. Maybe they don't like me and this is when it really shows up. That cousin I had the exchange with, I've never had a sisterly bond with like my sister has, but I thought we had a strong enough cousin-bond where asking her for emotional support was not an offensive request. Clearly, I was wrong.
Now, my sister caught wind of my Facebook posts and tried to invade my boundaries, by telling me I'm not allowed to feel the way that I do (angry, insulted, and frustrated) about how our first cousin glibly responded. Now, this is the SAME sister who told me last week, about our brother who has only provided financial support during this family crisis with our mother, refusing to visit her, or help us move her to her nursing home memory care apartment, my sister said of our brother, "He's allowed to feel the way he feels."
I JUST POSTED another post in another thread about how emotional abusers try to tell you how you should feel; try to tell you what you should think; try to tell you how you should act. My sister did the same thing tonight to me, trying to tell me that my emotional response to our first cousin was WRONG because it pissed off my first cousin who then told my sister, who loves our first cousin and respects her more than she respects me, so of course she is offended that I called out our cousin for responding so glibly to me.
I will NOT apologize for my emotional responses....to anyone! Ever!
I am allowed to feel what I do, when I do, how I do. No one is allowed to tell me how to feel, what to think, or how to act. No one!
